I write about this because I have  first hand experience. My father is the most difficult and unhappy old man.  He lives in a retirement community, and I have always tried to help him and visit him as often as possible, in spite of his own self-destructive actions and bad attitude! Can you say… GRUMPY OLD MAN!

   Here is my take in general on men getting older. A mans identity is completely wrapped up in what they did for a living or their careers. Once this is gone some of them never accept the change in their being. An identity crisis, and a feeling of being less relevant to the world stays in the forefront of their minds.  Men for the most part do the same thing throughout their entire life, and they hold steadfast to their old way of thinking… so adapting to change is difficult. Think of it this way; my father has always been a “fix it” handyman and now at 81 he is not able to physically do the things that made up his total identity, and  boy is he grumpy about it! This is not an excuse for his actions.

       I understand  my fathers frustration but it is a process that one must work through… although I have doubts that he will ever get there. I say know your limitations and be at peace with them! Also as we get older, we must keep an open mind to the changes occurring  around us. Whether we like it or not, the world is constantly changing. When we refuse to change our  way of thinking in a world that is ever-changing, then and only then do we become not only “old”, but less “relevant” to the world we still live in. I pray that my wisdom of this fact will make me more comfortable with the changes that will come in my life as a result of  getting older. So the next time you see  a grumpy old man, just know that he is probably living in a world that no longer exist, and above all….”feed him with a long handle spoon”  cause when he bites, it hurts!

     Now one might ask why singled out men? I am sure some of us could give examples of some grumpy old women, but it is not the “norm”, and here’s why…  Women spend their lives doing several different things, changing roles often. Whether it is a career, then raising the children, volunteer work or anything that changes what they do in their lives. These constant role changes help them adapt to change with greater ease. Getting older for women seems to be just another phase of living. And I must say I have never heard the phrase “grumpy old women.”  Just pondering my perspective! Stephen Spurling

I was a child of many, but my reality was … I wasn’t wanted by any. I grew up in several families, within my one and only family, passed around and discarded without malice, but still the harm would be done. I will explain the love that was given to me , was it real or just out necessity?

A story of a child born out-of-wedlock and given away in a stance to save a failing marriage. I was bartered for the love of another child, my brother. I will grow up throughout my entire childhood thinking… I was a  “necessary evil”. The premature death of a woman who raised me and for all practical purposes was my mother shed incredible light on her death-bed… The truth, and it was what I had suspected all along. I felt exonerated to know the true. The truth meant… I wasn’t this crazy little insecure kid that had created this notion that I was a” necessary evil!” I am alive today because I was strong enough to realize then … I didn’t ask for or deserve the life that I was given. I made the best of  it, and  only God’s true grace got me through. I am more  than a survivor, I am living my best life!

I was a very young 22-year-old man , when my mother died…It was one of the most devastating events of my life to date. It meant the end of an era, and life coming full circle. I would ponder my adult existence from this point on. My life would be mine to live! But I must first tried to put the pieces of the puzzle of my childhood together. I would give reasons , excuses, and most of all forgiveness for the past!  At 22 years, I was wise for my age, a state of being that existed for me even at the age of 4. You see, I had no choice but to gain wisdom as a child. I was processing the love of  my family, a family that made many selfish decisions that always kept me unsettled in my place in this family and even in this world! I was just a child, but as a child, I was very in tune with everybody actions, almost to the point of  my own detriment. I always knew from an early age that I was different, maybe what some would call an” old soul”, but my family would term it as being “odd”. I would laugh and play as any normal child, but I would also hear and see the actions of the adults around me. As my mother said on many occasion  “you have the ears of an elephant,” and with no explanation I might add. I always thought she was implying that I looked funny.  It wasn’t until years later that I would grow to understand the meaning of what she was saying. I was dealing with family problems that weren’t any of my concern for a child of my age.

I think my family loved me about as well as they understood me. I don’t fault them for this as… I did not fall into their normalcy…  Stephen Spurling